There’s a peculiar beauty in the process of rediscovery—a journey that begins with the willingness to ask. For me, that question was: Who am I when I remove the pressure to be liked? Who am I without my story? What are my preferences?

I found these Q's when I hit a season of depression that forced me to demand more joy. Jim Carrey once said, “Depression is your body saying, ‘I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you’ve created in the world. It’s too much for me.’” This hit me hard.

My feelings weren’t random—it was my body, my soul, telling me that the way I was living wasn’t aligned with who I really am. I wasn’t being fake, but I wasn’t living authentically either. I was living for others—saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no,” accepting invitations out of politeness, and prioritising external validation over my inner peace.

The Breaking Point: When Numbness Took Over

I cried way too often—sometimes four nights a week, usually in the shower. I thought I was just tired, but now I see how deeply my inauthentic life was affecting me. Some days, I didn’t even leave bed from morning until night. I wasn’t lazy; I was uninspired. I was so bored by the life I was living because it wasn’t mine.

I had let external factors—what others wanted, what I thought was expected—decide everything for me. Then, I finally had enough. Enough sadness. Enough rage. Enough of the numbness. Enough boredom. I wanted to wake up and feel excited about my life again. But to do that, I had to ask myself something: What do I actually want?

Remembering Teenage Me

In the depths of that darkness, I started to think about when I’d been happiest. And you know what came to mind? My teenage self. She was a free spirit—creative, vibrant, wise without even realising it. She loved her time alone. She’d draw, dance, sing, bike ride, and explore nature. She was fascinated by the universe, obsessed with the beach, and constantly taking photos of the little things that lit her up. She surrounded herself with people who made her laugh and refused to waste her time on negativity.

I asked myself if that joy was just because life was easier back then, without bills and responsibilities. Maybe that was part of it, but the truth was deeper: teenage me knew what brought her joy, and she unapologetically lived it. She spent her time doing what she loved, and she didn’t feel the need to justify it to anyone.

Saying “No” to Say “Yes” to Myself

Looking at my current life, I realised I’d stopped prioritising me. I didn’t have enough time to be alone, to create, to explore the things that made me happy. So, I made a promise to myself: if something wasn’t a fuck yes, it would be a no. That meant saying no to coffee dates, weekend plans, and even seemingly small obligations that didn’t align with what I needed in that moment.

It wasn’t easy. At first, I felt guilty. No one was asking anything unreasonable of me—“Let’s spend the day together,” or “Want to grab a coffee?”—but I had to remind myself: their requests weren’t bad, but my time was mine. To live in alignment with myself, I had to honour my joy.

Reclaiming My Inner Child

When I started prioritising my wants and needs, I felt my inner child come alive again. I revisited those old hobbies that once brought me so much happiness. I started drawing, dancing, exploring nature, and snapping photos of the world around me. I spent time alone—lots of it—and I felt fulfilled. I realised my teenage self had been onto something all along: the path to happiness is knowing yourself & unapologetically prioritising what lights you up.

It wasn’t about being selfish. It was about being authentic. As a teenager, I loved being called “selfless,” but as I’ve grown, I’ve realised that word was a spell. I had no self. To live authentically, I had to be willing to say no without explaining myself. I had to respect my time, my joy, and my life enough to stop living for others and start living for me.

Your Joy Is Your Responsibility

This journey taught me one crucial truth: my joy is my responsibility. No one else can give it to me or sustain it for me. I had to take the time to ask myself what I wanted and then have the courage to act on it. In prioritising my happiness, I found myself again—not the version others wanted, but the real me.

If you’ve lost sight of yourself, start asking the hard questions.

What do you want?

When have you been happiest?

What lights you up?

Then, follow those answers unapologetically.

You deserve to wake up excited about life. You deserve to honour your inner child, that wise & playful version of you who knows the way back to joy. Prioritise your happiness, because the world deserves the real you—unfiltered, vibrant & alive.